i've always wondered why i decided to keep this blog - no one reads it anyway. it's like keeping a piece of me and setting it out for the world to see. but then i realised why. i guess the idea of being able to be the one in charge of my own public journal with my own ideas - own ideologies of what this could be - it seemed pretty enticing. and thinking back, i do like backdating and realising what my life had been. how and when it'd gone totally downhill, or how i expressed myself back then. some are just amusing and some sort of amaze me, because i don't believe i would say things like that back then. whatever it is, i'm proud of this blog. even if no one gives a shit. i just like letting all the frustration go here, maybe the strongest point about this is that no one reads it, or i probably couldn't even post anything without being afraid of what people would think.

backdating, i realised how the things i lost were the things i loved most. i realised how i probably should've expected things to go downhill. all downhill. i realised how this probably wouldn't have worked out anyway. or that's what i always think. i realise how everything i had feared has already come true. and it's pretty much the way things are today.

if you meet a mess, i'm your best bet.