do you remember how the jealousy kills? the ache when you see something that makes you want to curl up and cry? i never could call you mine because all we could have been isn't enough to stand for how much i wish we would've worked out and how much we're far apart. i still get jealous. even after 3 years. and it's enough to bring me to tears in half a minute. but i have to fight it down because i will never be enough and i should know where i stand. i don't matter to you and i was always awkward around you so i should've known this would happen. i just thought you would be different. different from how i was used to being treated by everyone else because for once in my life, it felt like i was an important part of someone who was an extremely important part of me. 70% says no, 30% says go. it's all about the figures in my head. but that little amount is enough to keep me fighting and convincing myself. guess i should stop.